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Posts with tag ugly shoes

Fug Alert: The Reincarnation of Birkenstocks

philip  lim birkenstocksAs Heidi Klum would say "one minute you are in and the next you are out." What she didn't mention was that you will be in again in no time. That's because in fashion it's a "what goes around comes around" world.

In my eyes Birkenstocks are out and should stay the heck out but some people (cough, cough hippies) won't let them die. Apparently the hippies have some big time connections in the fashion world because Philip Lim has designed a line of shoes for men that look strikingly similar to Birks.

Needless to say, I hate them.

These new age monstrosities will set you back a cool $170.00, twenty bucks more if you want them in animal print. Yes they come in animal print, as well as red or teal leather. I can't imagine who would want these but if you do eluxury.com would be the destination.

Fug Alert: Satin high heel sneakers

ash high heel sneakersWhen I saw these shoes I felt a wave of death come over me. Really, my life (of bad shoes) flashed before my eyes. I saw the beige chunky high heeled sneakers I wore in the sixth grade, good lord those were ugly. Then I had a hideous replay of my history with those Manolo Blahnik knock-off high-top Timberland boots. Yes, I bought them and managed to trick people into thinking they were real for approximately two weeks before retiring them. Believe it or not I really have those shoes hidden away in the depths of my closet. I am really not sure why either, I will never ever wear them again.

Once I snapped out of my death trance, I got to thinking about these shoes by Ash. Why on earth do they exist? There is nothing right about the shoes, they are all wrong. Let's break it down:

Satin ... wrong.

High heel, on a sneaker no less ... wrong.

Freaky pin tuck treatment ... wrong.

If this were school this shoe would get an 'F' but if for some insane reason you like this shoe it can be yours for $130 at ShopBop.

The Not So Good, the Bad, and the Uggs - Styledash picks the ugliest shoes ever

Love or Hate 'em: The Ugliest Shoes on the Block

Love them or hate them, these are the ugliest shoes on the block. If you own any of these (I have to say I do own one pair on the list) it's not you that is ugly. It's your footwear. So without further ado, I present you with "The Not So Good, the Bad, and the Uggs."

1) Uggs: Sure they are warm, sure they are comfortable, but guess what else they are? Ugly. These sheepskin boots will keep your feet warm in the winter and cool in the summer but not without a smattering of insults.

2) Crocs:
Perhaps the most hideous shoe on the list, have been spotted all over town from your creepy next door neighbor to the President of the United States.

3) Doc Marten: Blame the 90's on these sh%t kickers. Kurt Cobain and the grunge era made these a closet staple and today "punk" rockers like Avril Lavigne has kept them going strong.

4) Birkenstocks: Nothing says "I don't care about my image" and "I care entirely too much about my image" at the same time like a pair of Birks. A dirty hippie's footwear of choice.

5) Teva Sandals: See the blurb about Birkenstocks and replace "dirty hippies" with "granola nature freak"

6) Jellies: Any product of the 1980s can relate to the permanent toe damage that these shoes have caused. What little girls once wore to look grown up, are worn by foolish adults to look sweet and cute.

7) Steve Madden Slinky: Most likely the only original design Steve Madden ever came up with, these shoes can be seen on women of all ages. Why? I do not know. Not only do they look hideous, they look pretty uncomfortable too.

8) High HeelSneakers: The most nonsensical shoe in the bunch. We wear sneakers to run around and play. We wear high heels to look sexy while being in a horrible amount of pain. When you combine the two the results are disastrous.

9) Platform Flip-Flops:
Why oh why do so many women wear these shoes? They are ugly and probably not the safest shoes around. I mean balancing on a 3 inch platform of $10 foam can never be a good idea.

10) Gladiator Sandals: They may be "in" right now but just know those second glances aren't looks of approval, they are just wondering if you are in costume for the movie. Which came out years ago.

Gallery: Celebrities in the Ugliest Shoes Ever

Avril LavigneMario BataliPresident George BushTeri Hatcher

Help! Crocs have Taken Over Disney!

Pirate CrocsThe only croc I can fully accept at Disney is Captain Hook's nemesis. I can barely tolerate the normal-colored Crocs on the feet of tourists. Imagine my horror when I went to Disney World this last Saturday and found the entire place invaded by Crocs... and not just normal-ugly Crocs, but special-ugly Crocs.

For example, in the Pirates of the Caribbean gift shop, I found these orangey-red and black pairs riddled with nearly unidentifiable skulls and crossbones. Then, when I stepped outside, I saw some obnoxiously colored Crocs with Mickey-shaped holes.

Oh, when will the Crocs madness end? Granted, they're super-comfortable, but Crocs, I don't know, cheapen every outfit. Keep them off if you're doing more than making a 15-minute run for milk. I have no idea how long this has been going on, but, frankly, I am appalled that Disney has allowed Crocs to infiltrate their land and spread the evil to the kiddies.

Won't someone please think of the children?!

Would you wear this shoe?

What's big, unbalanced and bulky all over?

No, it's not Pam Anderson's brassiere (but good guess!). I'll give you a hint: Balenciaga has one. Marc Jacobs has one. Miu Miu has one. It's this season's platform heels.

Sure, I suppose these new platform heels push the limits of shoe design. And maybe they even shock us all out of our bourgeois preference for "pretty" shoes.

But am I the only one who is going to call a spade a spade in this situation?

If I am, fine -- I'll happily do it -- because, fashionfans and fashioneditors, these shoes are ugly. As in "U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly, hey, hey, you ugly!"

And they're not even that original. In fact, I've seen this shoe before, Balenciaga. So don't even think you're fooling me with this one.

Admit it! You totally stole this design off of Minnie Mouse! Just look how mad she is...

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