
It's a well-documented fact: I [heart] Leonardo DiCaprio.
But it's not for the reasons one might think -- I hated
Titanic -- but I loved him in
Growing Pains, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, The Basketball Diaries and most recently,
Blood Diamond. (I kid you not, his role as diamond mercenary Danny Archer made me swoon for weeks afterwards -- what a difference an extra 10lbs can make!)
Like all irrational, impractical movie star infatuations, my dreams have been dashed by a dose of reality.
DiCaprio just announced his engagement to Israeli model Bar Rafaeli. They were spotted together on a trip to Jerusalem last week to visit Rafaeli's family, where the actor is said to have proposed to the 21-year -old model.
Bar is lovely, don't get me wrong -- and to tell you the truth, I'm glad he didn't end up with Gisele because she has hysterical middle-aged woman written all over her (
see Dickinson, Janice) -- but mark my words, Bar, if you cheat on him or hurt, humiliate or otherwise fail to uphold your obligations as Mrs. DiCaprio, god help me, I will shiv you with your bony femur!*
*DISCLOSURE: I'm kidding, so don't get your undies in a bunch, legal eagles.