Posts with tag ColinFarrell

We always talk about women and how thin or "curvy" they are. As nice as it is to remind folks that women come in all shapes and sizes, we're tired of hearing all about what straight men like.

It's parity time. Here's the scoop (it's certainly not the skinny) on man shapes: sure, we like our men with "murves" but not so much that they can't fly on commercial airlines.

Really! Everyone likes Christian Bale better Batman Burly than all manorexic for The Machinist. And calling Colin Farrell: time to pound the Guinness and get manly again! It's important to have some meat on your bones. Looking like you can survive a little hibernation can be downright sexy. It gives off a sense of strength and stability. On the other end of the spectrum, if you can't find pants with zippers and pockets in your size, it's gone too far.

These are the most common categories of men with curves:

• Cubs - usually occurs in younger men, once they discover beer, especially if they're a bit, erm, hairy.
  
• Man weight - when they no longer have a smaller waist than their girlfriends. In the best scenarios it's "all muscle."
  
• Burly - somewhere between here and man weight is the perfect Christian Bale/Batman moment. Between here and Bear: Russell Crowe.
  
• Bear - Big. Hairy. Totally male. This is where most men wind up, especially if they are funny or a fan of Kathy Griffin.
  
• Brando - like that episode when Homer Simpson wore a muumuu.

The difficult thing about facial hair is maintaining a balance within your personal style -- not letting the beard take control. A beard that's out of control can make you look pretty silly, and you'd do better to shave that sucker off rather than be caught wearing it. I've seen cases wear once sharp-dressing, clean-shaven guys decided to grow a beard, and pretty soon it was flannel and torn t-shirts -- and they never came back.

For better or worse, stars set the tone in the world of men's facial hair -- it's not necessarily a bad thing. It allows us to take cues from them and their stylists, converting them into lessons about our own shaving techniques. When Russell Crowe grows a beard and it looks cool, every dude on the street quits shaving. Then again, sometimes celebrities screw it up -- then we can make fun of them and feel superior.

The grading system for celebrity beards is simple: it consists of 3 variables. First, is there a reasonably good balance between their facial hair and their hairstyle? Second, is the beard in harmony with the rest of the outfit? The third variable is the interpretive factor, i.e. what's the beard doing for them? and how effective is it?

I'm not a big Coin Farrell fan to say the least. For whatever reason, his cocky demeanor and good looks annoy me to no end. Plus, I think he styles himself a Bono Jr. Nevertheless, I won't let this affect my evaluation of his beard control. I am, after all, a professional.

While I can't give my full approval for his choice to go with the scruffy, hasn't shaved in 5 days look for his Oscar appearance -- it's a little too romance novel for my taste -- I do think Colin shows good consistency and facial hair control. Women seem to like beards at this adolescent stage, more than when they've fully grown in. The unkempt hair is a little over the top, and if the beard were fully grown in, he would definitely have issues with his beard to hair ratio.

As it stands, Farrell does a pretty good job at pulling off the macho Irish brawler look -- if not a little too conspicuously. Nobody believes that he's really been so tied up at the pub he didn't have time to go home and shave, yet he kinda looks like he just threw this tux on and drove on over to the Academy Awards. Purposefully unrefined.

(out of 5)
Beard to Hair Ratio:4
Beard to Ensemble:3
Babe Magnetism: 5

So unless you've been living under a rock, you know that the movie version of Miami Vice drops across America on July 28th. And unless you've sealed yourself hermetically against culture industry buzz, you know that Jamie Foxx is reprising the role of former NY detective-turned-Miami-cop Rico Tubbs while Colin Farrell in playing bachelor crimefighter Sonny Crockett.

A little background for those of you not paying to pop culture during the Reagan/Bush years: Miami Vice was a criticaly acclaimed tv series on NBC. It was directed by the auteur Michael Mann (Collateral, Manhunter) and it almost singlehandedly defined man-cool (read: 3-day stubble, Armani suits, Porsches) during a major chunk of the 80s.

Fans loyal to the show will appreciate that Mann is directing the film. Equally awesome is the presence of Jan Hammer's original theme song.