A salute to the fugliness of men's swimwear

| Posted Mar 12th 2008 12:14PM by Josh Loposer
Filed under: Swimwear, Men

You might think that purchasing a reasonably cool pair of men's swim trunks is a pretty easy thing to do, but that probably means you haven't shopped for one recently. For some inconceivable reason, swimsuit designers think that stupid Hawaiian flower designs are the only way to go, and there's no reason to offer much variety. Sure, there's a place for neon flower prints and that place is on cheap beach towels.

For the last couple of years, I've been protesting the swimsuit altogether, opting for cut-offs. Not much better than a pair of 3/4 length board shorts with a fire-breathing dragon print -- I know. It's just that every time I shop for a swim suit, I laugh so hard at the designs that I think I'm going to vomit uncontrollably and I have to leave. Call me conservative or whatever, I just don't want trunks that are so loud that they make me nauseous when I stare at them too long.

Maybe Matthew McConaughey's new line of swim wear won't be so bad, but I have my doubts. He named his brand J.K. Livin' -- after his oft-quoted line in the stoner-classic Dazed and Confused -- "just keep livin'." The more I think about it, the more I'm sure his line will showcase a lot of obnoxious jungle patterns with pot leafs interspersed.

I could be wrong here, but I really don't think that most men want these ridiculous looking swim trunks -- they're embarrassing. What's the deal? Who is it that keeps designing these things?